This moment was such a blow to the head that I literally heard myself gasp in the bathroom. It echoed off the bathroom walls as if the moment itself became an affirmation. I was at once amazed and awed by this new self discovery. First I had to stop for just a minute. Calm myself down. I had to reason myself out of this new idea. Could this really be true? I began to think of all the things that I have done in the past 2 1/2 weeks.
I realized that I needed to go to treatment. I went to get an assessment to see if this treatment would be good for me. When it was decided that it would be I started going to treatment. I have worked hard during my treatment days to end this eating disorder. I have begun to bring these new concepts I'm learning into my home environment so that I can work on them at home. I work everyday to stop all the destructive behaviors I have such as: negative self talk, staring in the mirror and checking myself constantly to make sure I don't look gross (even though I always came to the conclusion that I did). I have reached out to family and friends for support.
Why would I do these things? What is the point behind all of this hard work? The answer is what slapped me upside the head. The answer is because...
I really do love myself!
Why else would I be making changes to better myself and have a better life? I can't believe that I have fooled myself into thinking that I don't love myself when all along I really did. This will be a new way of life for me. Instead of not doing things because I don't matter anyway, I will be doing things because I'm worth the effort. I am a person that is valuable. At least I'm valuable to me and in the long run I'm the only person that needs to believe that. What other people think of me is none of my business.
What an amazing, unique, foreign and lovely concept.
I love myself.
This is going to be a good way to live life.
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