For My Family and Friends

I can't believe that I haven't written in a post for over 6 months.  I must apologize for not doing a better job of keeping up this blog.  I think I allowed it to be on the back burner for awhile because I've been going through some personal changes.

It has been 3 years and 3 months since I checked myself into the hospital for recovery from my eating disorder.  I really should say that it has been that long since I've made the choice to live.  I know that statement may seem dramatic to many of you.  I mean, who wouldn't choose to live, right?  However, for anyone who has ever grappled with the trap that is depression/eating disorder, it is a legitimate choice that one must make before heading into recovery.  And I must say that I am extremely thankful for choosing to live.  I am elated to report to the world that I am no longer in recovery.  I am now fully recovered.

So, enough about the past.  Onward to the future.

What I am most excited about this new phase of my life is learning and discovering who I am.  For so many years, for as long as I can remember actually, I have followed the thoughts of others.

"Oh, you like Nirvana?  Yeah, me too!"
"Yeah, that presidential candidate is a total fool.  I agree with you."
"No, I don't like that lipstick either."
"Nah, I don't want to live downtown either."

I could go on and on but I digress.

I am starting to discover what it is I do like.  I like rain.  I do not like hot weather and no ac.  I love clothes.  I don't like shopping.  I love dogs, cats and creatures of all sorts.  I do not like pickles.  I do not like driving in traffic but I love driving.  I don't like mayonnaise or homemade sandwiches.  I love cake but not icing.  I love Velveeta, even though I know it is horribly processed.  I adore long conversations with friends while sitting around a bar and drinking.  I do not like blatant rudeness.  I am selfish and at times selfless.  I think charity is great.  I think hand outs are crap.

Once again I could go on and on.

My basic point is that I am ready to discover who I am.  I am ready to face life, no not face it, run towards it, embracing every mistake, choice and experience that comes my way.  I will always listen to the advice of my friends and family but I may not agree with you or listen to you.  And that is okay.  I am eager to live a life filled with regrets, or maybe none at all.  I am thrilled to be able to call myself an artist and will never shirk from what others think of me when I state that I am.

So, friends and family, I ask for your patience.  I ask for you to understand that I am going to be fully living life from now on.  I may make decisions that you do not agree with.  I may make decisions that you think are the result of a conversation we had.  All of this is okay.  Please know though, that any decision I make is mine to make and mine alone.  I will confer with those who may affected by my decisions but my decisions are still mine to make. 

I cannot express to you, my loved ones, just how excited I am about the life that is ahead for me.  Please understand that I am going through a growing spell equivalent to an early 20something and provide me love, understanding and support.  Because this life that I have ahead of me is something that I'm grabbing by the horns.  And I'm not letting go.