Epiphany

I am at work. There is a lull in customers coming in so I have a few minutes to stand and people watch. People watching is one of my favorite hobbies. (Can it even be considered a hobby?) As I stand there people watching I slowly realize that I am silently comparing each and every one of them. My thoughts go like this: "She's thin.", "Wow, she is a bit heavy.", "She's beautiful but not at all thin." At the very moment it dawns on me. No, that is too passive of a statement, it's more like I am hit over the head with a ton of bricks. This epiphany explodes out of no where and slams all other thoughts down for the count. I am all at once overwhelmed, startled, humbled and humored by this thought that I am having.

For as long as I can remember I have strived to achieve what I have thought as "normal". "Normal" being what I have seen portrayed in movies, magazines and tv shows. "Normal" being what models and movie stars look like, ie. thin as a rail. As I look at this woman who is beautiful, no more like absolutely stunning, but in now way thin, I realize that what I have strived for my whole life, this "normal" that I thought I had to be really isn't normal at all. I realize that the woman I am starting at is normal. I realize that I am normal. I realize that for my entire life I have fought to reach this goal of unattainable beauty. This idea that beauty means that you are super skinny thin. This isn't so. Beauty like that is unattainable for a reason. That reason being that not everyone is supposed to look like that.

The epiphany that I have is that I don't need to strive to reach that idea of "beauty" that I see on the cover of a magazine because that person on that magazine is not me. I do not need to be like her because I am me. I am the most perfect me I can be because I am who I am. (Now I sound like Popeye) However, this statement is very true. Why have I pushed myself to believe that I need to look like someone else when who I am is more than good enough just as I am? Because every where you turn there is something telling us that we need to be thinner, smaller, younger and prettier.

Well, I don't need to listen to the lies that I'm not good enough exactly as I am. I was made this way for a reason. I was made this way because there is beauty in being different. There is a mystery to being unique. I still have a ways to go before I look in the mirror and can say I love what I see. I'm just like every one else in that matter. We all have issues with how we look. But I can say this, I'm no longer going to strive to look as thin or beautiful as someone else, because that's not possible. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to look back on my life and know that who I was really mattered. I never want to be remembered for what my body looks like. I want to be remembered for my character, my personality and for what I have contributed to society.

An epiphany indeed. What a lovely one to have. How lucky am I to have been able to realize in my life time that I am more than perfect just as I am. Who am I to try to be someone different. I will never disrespect myself again by believing I need to be like someone else. Instead, I am going to embrace my uniqueness and my differences. I will be proud that I do not look like someone else. I will be proud to look like me.