From Sound to Music

Today is one of those days where I really want to write something extremely profound and thoughtful and yet nothing is coming into my brain that seems worthy to share.  Which, of course, is such a silly thought because I know that I have many worthy thoughts to share.  So I think what I will share today is that I am starting to actively listen to music again.  For about 10 years I chose not to listen to music.  I would have silence in the car.  I would have silence while playing around on the internet, or cooking or just hanging out.  I couldn't handle having the additional noise. 

I suppose I couldn't handle all the additional noise because I already had enough noise in my head to begin with.  I didn't need to add to all the crazy that was living in my head. 

But now that I don't have all that crazy up in my head.  Well, okay, let's be honest, I still have crazy in my head.  I mean, I wouldn't be me without some level of crazy.  But I am no longer bordering on insane.  I no longer have voices shouting at me in my head.  I no longer have constant static blazing through my brain.

So now when there is silence, it truly is silence.  Not that I have a problem with silence.  I'm totally fine with being lost in my own thoughts.  However, what I am enjoying is discovering music and finding out what kind of music I like.

My life has gone from one of just constant noise to one filled with the beautiful sound of music. 

So, my friends, what musical artists do you enjoy?  Share with me!  I'd love to discover more!

For My Family and Friends

I can't believe that I haven't written in a post for over 6 months.  I must apologize for not doing a better job of keeping up this blog.  I think I allowed it to be on the back burner for awhile because I've been going through some personal changes.

It has been 3 years and 3 months since I checked myself into the hospital for recovery from my eating disorder.  I really should say that it has been that long since I've made the choice to live.  I know that statement may seem dramatic to many of you.  I mean, who wouldn't choose to live, right?  However, for anyone who has ever grappled with the trap that is depression/eating disorder, it is a legitimate choice that one must make before heading into recovery.  And I must say that I am extremely thankful for choosing to live.  I am elated to report to the world that I am no longer in recovery.  I am now fully recovered.

So, enough about the past.  Onward to the future.

What I am most excited about this new phase of my life is learning and discovering who I am.  For so many years, for as long as I can remember actually, I have followed the thoughts of others.

"Oh, you like Nirvana?  Yeah, me too!"
"Yeah, that presidential candidate is a total fool.  I agree with you."
"No, I don't like that lipstick either."
"Nah, I don't want to live downtown either."

I could go on and on but I digress.

I am starting to discover what it is I do like.  I like rain.  I do not like hot weather and no ac.  I love clothes.  I don't like shopping.  I love dogs, cats and creatures of all sorts.  I do not like pickles.  I do not like driving in traffic but I love driving.  I don't like mayonnaise or homemade sandwiches.  I love cake but not icing.  I love Velveeta, even though I know it is horribly processed.  I adore long conversations with friends while sitting around a bar and drinking.  I do not like blatant rudeness.  I am selfish and at times selfless.  I think charity is great.  I think hand outs are crap.

Once again I could go on and on.

My basic point is that I am ready to discover who I am.  I am ready to face life, no not face it, run towards it, embracing every mistake, choice and experience that comes my way.  I will always listen to the advice of my friends and family but I may not agree with you or listen to you.  And that is okay.  I am eager to live a life filled with regrets, or maybe none at all.  I am thrilled to be able to call myself an artist and will never shirk from what others think of me when I state that I am.

So, friends and family, I ask for your patience.  I ask for you to understand that I am going to be fully living life from now on.  I may make decisions that you do not agree with.  I may make decisions that you think are the result of a conversation we had.  All of this is okay.  Please know though, that any decision I make is mine to make and mine alone.  I will confer with those who may affected by my decisions but my decisions are still mine to make. 

I cannot express to you, my loved ones, just how excited I am about the life that is ahead for me.  Please understand that I am going through a growing spell equivalent to an early 20something and provide me love, understanding and support.  Because this life that I have ahead of me is something that I'm grabbing by the horns.  And I'm not letting go.