No More Drama

As I sit here thinking of something to write about I realize that I have no tale of desperation to share. I have no overwhelming desire to share a new discovery. It seems as if I have nothing to write about as I have no fabulous new juicy detail to share about my life. And that alone is what I realize I must write about.

For so many years my life has consisted of drama. And no I'm not talking about the kind of drama that you go to the theatre to see. (and yes you must say theatre as such: Thee-ah-Tarrr) Instead I'm talking about the kind of drama that I have allowed to exist in my everyday life. The drama that ensues when one is so focused on dieting, exercise, defensiveness and self-loathing. It seemed that everyday I would come up with some new way to hate myself, either by spewing disparaging remarks about myself, or becoming involved in poisonous relationships or by allowing myself to be a part of unhealthy situations. (Oh to be 22 again and to know what I know now!)

I'm 12 years older than that age now and yet I feel brand new. Still the same old silly, ornery, laugh out loud girl that we all know but with a calmness and serenity that surrounds me now. I guess I don't really feel brand new, maybe just updated and improved. (and now I'm gonna sound like a perfect dork) but I feel like I've been uploaded with new operating software that has gotten rid of the virus infected one from before.

My life is no where near as "exciting" as it once was. (Thank goodness!) And yet my life now is so much more fulfilling and rewarding than it has ever been. I am enriching my life because I see myself as so much more valuable than I did when I was 22. Granted, my life is pretty routine. (well as routine as it can be when I get up at 3am on some days and stay up till 12am on other days) I go to work, I come home, I clean house (haha), I spend time with my fiance and find time for hanging out with my best girlfriends. This life that I am enjoying now has it's own excitements that are so much more long lasting than any night of desperation from before.

I have the excitement of coming home to the most amazing man in the world! (I even get to marry him soon!) I get to play with the 3 best dogs in the whole world. I am fortunate enough to have a yard to go out and garden in, when it's not raining! I am re-immersing myself in arts and crafts. I forgot what it was like to see one of my hand-made creations come to fruition.

So today as I sit here in my red leather chair and look out the window I smile at my contentedness. While others may think my life is boring and pretty standard, (please feel free to judge me all you want, it doesn't bother me anymore), I am more in love with my life and myself than ever before. I'm enjoying the contentment. I'm truly am enjoying living in this moment of my life.