It's a question that every little kid has an answer for. A nurse, an actor, a cowboy, a lawyer and sometimes they'll even say astronaut. But what do you do when you're asked that question at 34? If you're me then you deflect the question by saying something like, "What I want to be is happy. I'm not really concerned about a career." While secretly inside you think, "Oh man, I feel like such a heel. I can't believe I don't know what I want to do at this age!"
So for the past year I've been living my life with no set goal of what I want to do with my future. I've been working away at Starbucks and working on my recovery. I've been happy I can pay my bills. I've been super pleased that I'm getting myself out of debt. I've been thrilled that I've been able to afford a few trips here or there. But deep down inside I knew something was missing.
I graduated from college with a degree in theatre. Yet once I graduated I realized that theatre was not something that I had the energy to pursue full time. I knew that I did not have the passion for being an artist that lives, breathes, eats and sleeps theatre. And I am comfortably okay with that. In fact the longer I've been out of school the happier I am that I'm not really involved in theatre all that much any more. But I'm not okay with not having a dream to strive for. I don't like not having something that I'm working towards.
Recently I've discovered a new desire. It might turn into a passion. I'm allowing myself to explore that possibility. What is wonderful is that this new adventure will allow me to influence women around me to feel good about themselves. It will help me to promote positive self images in women.
This society is so very sick with it's ideas about what is beautiful. I can't express how much I want to be a part of the movement to turn that idea around. I want to encourage all types of women to love themselves as they are instead of hating themselves for what they aren't. This has been a goal of mine since I entered my rehab treatment. This country would be a far healthier country if it stopped focusing so much on what people "should" weigh and started focusing on living for health.
So I have this new adventure stirring a desire inside me. I'm going to allow it time to marinate. I'm going to allow myself time to sit with the thoughts that come with this idea. I'm going to nurture these thoughts and allow them to grow into a passion. Because I don't want to live a life of just getting by and paying the bills. I want to live a life of passion, creativity and purpose.
I'm off to marinate.
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