Flip Flopped Feet and Baby Blues

I am waiting in my car. It is 12:30pm, a half hour before my appointment. I'm staring at my reflection in the finger-print smudged rear view mirror. I do not see myself. I see little eyes staring at me. I see what ifs. I see questions. I see doubt. Most of all I see desperation. Desperation because this has to work. I cannot continue eating my feelings, my fears, my life.

The sky blue eyes in the window stare back at me. They are judging me. They are testing me. Those cloudy blue eyes dare to taunt me through the mirror. They say, "You're a half hour early and there's a taco cart just down the street." I put my flip flopped foot on the brake, shift the car into drive then...I freeze. I look in the mirror at those taunting eyes and scream, "No!" I throw the car back into park. I keep the flip flopped shoe on the brake just to make sure I won't go down to the local taco joint for a taco...or five.

I continue to sit there. The air conditioning is blowing causing those baby blues to water. I hadn't realized that I was staring at those eyes again. They now speak the truth. I have two choices in front of me. Two journeys to choose from. I'm not sure I want to embark on either one. Journey number one: turn off the car, leave the comfort of solitude behind, walk through those doors and leave those menacing eyes behind me forever or...journey number two: back the car out of the parking space, maneuver the metal coach back home and allow those temptresses, those beady blue eyes to haunt me forever.

I look back in the mirror, back at those blue eyes that have been allowed to humor themselves for far too long and I see...something I hadn't expected. I see strength. I see courage. I see hope.

I put my right hand on the sun warmed keys and I feel myself turn off the car. I feel the flip flopped foot remove itself from the brake. I look down into my lap, close my sky blue eyes and breathe a breath of life. I open the car door with my left hand. It feels like the weight of the world is behind it. I push with power I didn't know I had. Suddenly I'm standing next to my car, drenched in delightful sunlight. It pours over me like a baptism. I think to myself, "why did I not realize it was sunny before now?" I close the car door. It shuts with the greatest of ease. I turn towards the building before me. The doors are 20 steps away. I place my purse on my shoulder and take my first trepidatious step. Then another one until I'm at the door way. The doors open automatically. A clue from the gods above or just the mechanical genius of technology? I find this question humorous. As I step over the threshold towards my new life I realize, I am smiling.